The stars must have aligned in a new way for me last week as the universe delivered my first live interview on the news and a news story. Here’s the link to the news story that I will update once I get a copy of both segments.

Empowering Women Interview from last Sunday (click on the link and scroll down the videos on the right).

The other news story will air Monday, May 11th at 10:00 pm and possibly on the morning show the next day. It’s on sleep deprivation as I share my own challenges with sleep and my nervous system disorder as well as how Life Cultivation can help people clear stress and sleep better as well. Eric Collins (the amazing brother of my friend Leanne see below) also took footage in my office and walking on the beach so it should be a fun one with probably a little “too much information” about me.

I will never forget this week, these opportunities and the deep letting go that created the heart of my experience. Even the day of the live interview was about letting go and just being there. Prior to going on I shared the Green Room with a group from Project Concern International. There was Shawn (a co-worker of my friend Uli, another coincidence) a woman from Saks 5th Avenue and two young models. They has all this time chit-chatting and then at the last minute they got called and one of the models could not find her purse. She flipped out so I calmly got up and went to a bag, pulled it out, and gave it to her. Off she went. Then it came time for my interview. They came to get me and we walked out to the set. I realized I had extra time so I asked if I could go get my notes. I went back to the Green Room and it was locked. I knew then my only job was to be present so I went back on set and sat quietly. Courtney came out and sat with me then got up to grab her notes. She sat down and we were on. She was caught off guard and her microphone was not on. She recovered (of course) and afterward she thanked me for being so calm - who’d a thought? But then again that’s my job if life now. It’s no longer about me - I am just a space for being and for people to expand, grow, breakdown or whatever they need to do. It was perfect and divine timing and I am crystal clear that from this point forward, it is about me being of service to others in every way. Let’s not forget that what the segment was about was the Divine Feminine — Shakti Rising and my book
Chameleon Butterfly Dragonfly.

You always hear that letting go is powerful but how do you do it? How can you let go without your ego going wild yelling, “You can’t be carefree, you can’t stop obsessing about what you want, all hell will break loose if you don’t manage every detail of your life.” Well now I’ve experienced first hand how letting go gives way to joy and joy gives way to synchronicity and that you just don’t have to work as hard as we’ve become accustomed to.

How did this all happen? Here’s the skinny on how all of this came to be. Many months ago, while walking on the beach in Del Mar, I reconnected with a beautiful woman I know named Leanne Collins. We must have passed each other on the beach five or more times in the course of a few months - it became very obvious we were suppose to connect.

We did indeed connect on many levels and through mutual support and admiration for one another, Leanne introduced me to her amazing brother Eric Collins with Fox Channel 6 and in turn Courtney Dwyer also a reporter and anchor with the station.

In the midst of a week where I was completely overwhelmed with full time mommyhood and a travelling husband and grandparents — I chose to completely let go of all expectations and just enjoy the chaos and of course the time with my son.

Is it an accident that in the next few days of letting go not one but two T.V. interview opportunities showed up? I know without a doubt it was the deep level of letting go I chose and the joy I experienced in doing so that opened up these opportunities.

I will be making letting go part of my daily life - it feels so amazing!! Second best to the day I vowed never to wear panty hose again!! I am free…want to join me? Share your stories of letting go with us.

The theme of my life over the last month has been extreme expansion beyond my fears and toward my dreams. Yes as enticing as it sounds it’s not recommended for the meek or tentative soul - the phrase “be careful what you wish for” is extremely apropros. In the month of September what I experienced looked like everything but expansion as I processed and let go of major sh*#. I came face to face with my ego and past wounds that simply had no place in my life anymore.

So what spurred this extreme inner growth spurt for a person who has done enough personal growth for 10 lifetimes? It’s hard to pinpoint exactly one thing as I am known to left no stone unturned when it comes to self cultivation yet this year, I stepped it up and put myself out there by clearly and publicly stated (on boundlessliving with bob doyle from the secret) my deepest desire which is to become a best-selling author and to be on Oprah (me and millions of people right?).

Beyond this I began studying resistance and it’s impact in keeping you from attracting and manifesting what you want. On major way to eliminate or lessen resistance is to take 100% responsibility for everything in your life. If you don’t own your sh&% than, guess what? It will own you and your life will become a reflection of your sh&%. So, I took a hard and honest look at my life and assumed 100% responsibility for everything working and everything not working.

As I look back to the very beginning of 2008 it kicked off with me chanting to live without fear with a sexy yoga instructor and finding my passion for Kundalini yoga and learning that 2008 was the year of Dharma or discovering your life purpose. Next, my shoulder injury escalated to the point where I thought I could never write again but I somehow healed it and wrote and published my first book in three months. I  have been guided to the teachers, teachings and lessons I needed to expand beyond my fears toward fulfilling my dreams.

I’ve come to learn that expansion is the process of breaking free of everything limited and limiting in your life so that you can literally hold a space big enough for a larger vision. This is why expansion can be physically painful like shedding an old skin and emotionally painful as you re-experience old pain as it bubbles up and leaves.

Once I stated my desire publicly and used the sankalpa method I learned from the sexy yoga instructor (which is to meditate on one single goal) a chain of events began to fall into place. Yet I also look back to before this and other events were also in motion. So as I talk about in my book Chameleon Butterfly Dragonfly there is a loose destiny blueprint waiting for us to bring it into being. Remember when we had to sell our home in Maui? When I realized it was time to sell our home, I decided to turn lemons into lemonaid and create the perfect buyer. T. Harv Eker the author of Secrets of a Millionaire Mind bought the home and as part of the sale, he gifted me a Train the Trainer course which I attended two weeks ago (Scroll to the photo below). This course is to teach you how to lead large seminars and make millions so you can buy homes in Maui for cash like he did!

Then more events and coincidences began to arise as friends or ours in Maui built a home for people involved in the success of Chicken Soup for the Soul. Our friend gave them my book and now she’s reading it. My yoga instructor here in Del Mar knows Jack Canfield and many other transformational leaders. On boundless living I was referred to Steve Harrison who is behind most of the latest best selling book campaigns. It goes on and on. So here I sit on the fringe, one or two steps away from many great success stories. And it’s these next steps that require me to move way beyond my comfort zone and everything I’ve been in the past. It requires me to still be me but the expanded super-sized version.

Expansion went into full force in September when my husband began traveling to Maui to remodel some condos we purchased. So this little project of his (hint:forgiveness is part of expansion) put him in paradise doing what he loves and me at home in Del Mar sending my son off to Kindergarten as a single Mom with a growing business, new book and many other projects on my plate. And the first week of school I got a note something like this, “Aaron had a good day today (finally) he didn’t have any emotional outbursts or lay on the floor during circle time”. So at a time when I wanted to throw myself 100% toward expanding my career, I expanded my potential as a mother instead putting all work aside for two weeks (hint: you can’t expand unless your personal life is working). I learned many things I needed to change in order for my little one to thrive. The biggest lesson was to give him space so he could expand. He was entering big boy school but was stuck in a toddler paradigm. So instead of tightening the reigns with discipline the answer was to expand my view of him, give him more responsibility and allow him to learn his own lessons and grow (phew just typing that one makes me sweat!).

And so expansion continued. I had my first public book signing and first speaking engagement in October and went to the Train the Trainer course gifted to me by T. Harv Eker. In the course we learned how to command a large audience, design our own training courses and break through inhibitions by singing to an audience of 100+ people. You have to get that I’ve always said singing in public would be my greatest fear and to sing well would be the biggest miracle I could ever create. I always believed I have an awful voice and have never sang out loud in front of anyone let alone an audience. My best friend Laurel made me a CD of disco music (my favorite, I know I’m a geek) so I had to choose from YMCA, Disco Inferno and others - I settled on I Will Survive. The lyrics alone caused a breakthrough while I practiced in the safety of my hotel room. Then it was time, I put on my wild spandex outfit and when it was my turn, something clicked (or snapped:) and I let it rip! People actually thought I sang well - they practically had to get the hook and pull me off stage, it was amazing (hint: expand by doing things you dread, they may turn into things you love). And I met some of the most amazing people ever at this course whom I hope to know and grow with forever. Thanks T. Harv!! (Click the photo to view or enlarge)

So prior to leaving for Train the Trainer I hired a coach to move me beyond my money fears (hint: you can not expand with a limited relationship with money). The last session (about expansion of course) was on the same day as a psychic reading my best friend Laurel bought me for my birthday. Prior to this day Laurel had given me the psychic’s number at least three times and I lost it (hmmmm, divine timing perhaps?). So of course the reading was about…you guessed it…expansion. I’m going to cut to the chase, without knowing anything about me, he saw me being published by Hay House and on Oprah. So what does a girl do with that kind of info? Why do I risk setting my self up by sharing something so big in public with the chance of failure looming? The reason I’m sharing it is that if this does all occur how cool will it be that it was in my blog and shared with you? And I just love this stuff! It’s what happens when you put yourself out there.

On Monday, I was digging through old emails and up popped a request for stories about miracles for a book Louise Hay is writing. So I submitted mine. And here I sit with all of the pieces floating out there waiting to be manifested into the physical. I’ve broken through “I will survive” and now am in the gap cultivating my greatest desires. What’s the next step? Expansion is a combination of being in action and allowing the expansion to occur naturally. It’s that delicate zone of cultivation where you’re stepping outside of limits but not fighting against them. More on expanding your capacity to love and receive money and to transform your life through extreme self love.

© Bring U to Life, Inc. For more articles like this and guidance to thrive in every aspect of your life from home, work, love, body, soul and money visit www.bringUtolife.com or click here to join our free membership and receive a free e-book or you may also contact me at cindy@bringUtolife.com to explore coaching and or to learn more about the practice of Life Cultivation.

My story begins on a beautiful afternoon at my home on Maui preparing for the arrival of my guests whom I did not know. A few days earlier our nanny Lynette told me she was turning 50. I excitedly asked her how she was going celebrate only to find she was extremely depressed and wanted to dismiss her birthday all together. This did not compute to me the woman who celebrates her own birthday for weeks and sometimes months at a time. I felt it was my mission to assure Lynette not only celebrated turning 50 but that it was a birthday she would remember forever. She accepted my offer and chose to have her girlfriends over for an afternoon champagne toast.

I met each woman one-by-one as they showed to celebrate with Lynette. The afternoon was fun with everyone connecting in conversation as they enjoyed the incredible view from our lanai. The party eventually ended and Lynette was truly happy, grateful and beaming with love. It was hard to image that she’d ever been depressed about turning 50. Just after I said goodbye to Lynette, I received a major “incoming” message. When I receive intuitive messages, I call them “incoming” because they tend to come in from nowhere landing like a bomb (a good bomb). This “incoming” was a bit different than other messages in that it was as if someone was dictating an entire book to me, “How about writing a book about a group of women on Maui healing themselves and coming into their power. A goddess would narrate the book guiding the women on their journey.” The book idea made sense as it captured the essence of the party with Lynette’s friends but the goddess aspect was perplexing because at the time I really didn’t know much about goddesses, they weren’t on my radar.

A few days later, I received another “incoming” message this time in the form of a suggestion, “Why don’t you do a little research on goddesses for the book?” Great idea I thought as I my wheels began to turn, “Pele is a goddess on the Big Island so wouldn’t it make sense that Maui would have a goddess too?” I Googled “Maui goddesses” and found a few but one in particular seemed to call to me. She is Hina, moon goddess and mother of the god Maui. “So, what’s my next step?” I half thought and half asked to whomever was giving me all these brilliant ideas. And then it came, “Just invite her to connect with you and deliver the content for the goddess portion of your book.” Another great idea so I wrote a note to Hina in my journal. My invitation to Hina appeared to be working because I continued to get incoming messages about the goddess and the book. What I didn’t realize at the time was that Hina was inviting me to connect with her not the other way around.

Time passed, life crept back in and I began to focus more on my business. Hina and my book took a back seat in my consciousness. At the time, we were living between Kapalua, Maui and Del Mar California and it was time to head back to the mainland. When I returned, I got a call from Ariela, a branding consultant, editor and agent. Having bumped into my husband at the Del Mar post office for the second time in the last six months, she greeted me on the call in her matter of fact way, “I bumped into Stan (again, sigh…) so I guess it’s time to meet you.” Long story short, we met and she persuaded me to write a branding book as the next step in building my business. Prior to ending our meeting, I thought, “What the heck this woman is a book agent and I have nothing to lose so at the risk of seeming to be a wacko, I’ll pitch my book being mysteriously fed to me by the goddess on Maui”. Her ears perked up and she offered to give me another free consultation about this book at a later date.

Ariela and I began to work on the branding book and it got off to a bumpy start. I was being pummeled with an overwhelming amount of “incoming” messages amounting to 60 pages of what seemed like the remains of a real bomb. The process was like trying to put myself into a book so needless to say my body rejected the process and a series of physical breakdowns began to show up. I sent my mess off to Ariela hoping to show her proof that I had been writing even though I knew I didn’t have anything substantial to show her. She later shared that she was scared, very scared of what lunatic would produced such a mess.

Around the same time, my husband and I had decided it was time to sell our home on Maui. It had been pocket listed for several months prior with no success which didn’t surprise us as we were still very much attached to it. It was, however, finally time for us to detach and move on so I called my energy-clearing expert Katharine who makes way for desires to manifest by clearing negative energy from people and situations like selling a property. This time, I asked her to clear our property for sale and to clear me to become “unstuck” as I felt stuck in the house, stuck in my writing, and just plain old stuck. She did the clearing and emailed me that she’d found something perplexing relating to me, the house and potentially my writing but that she had to run it by her “higher ups/teacher” for further clarification.

By the time Katharine was ready for our debriefing I was already back on the mainland. Katharine began by telling me there was some sort of elemental energy source attached to me and attached to the idea of me living at our Maui property. I told Katharine about my book and the goddess that was seemingly sending me information. She said that this elemental energy source was no ordinary goddess. She seemed more powerful was probably related to Pele and Earth Mother. Suddenly we both got chills as we felt the enormity of her and then the phone began breaking up as if there was kinetic energy interference. Katherine went on to say that I had most likely contracted with her to protect and feed me information that I would need in this lifetime.

I’m pretty open to tapping into the Divine realm but this was beginning to get pretty complicated and profound for my simple existence. Katherine completed her clearing by asking that the elemental source to detach herself from the property and reattach herself to me so that we could work together from anywhere not just the property in Maui. I wasn’t quite sure what to do with all of this information and couldn’t help but wonder what her intentions were for me and what mine were for her that is if I did indeed contract her to help me. In the mean time, I guess I gained a “Divine Virtual Writing Assistant”.

When I returned to Maui, I expected to feel free and ready to go with my book. Instead, I continued to feel the elemental source still had a hold on me and obviously didn’t do what Katharine had asked her to do. Fed up, I called Katharine and told her I wanted to speak to this elemental source and asked if she could set up a “conference call” for us. Katharine laughed and said she doesn’t really do this sort of thing but would as a favor to me. It was strange waiting for a call from someone or something that didn’t exist in normal reality. Katharine hooked us up over the phone and we began communicating. Katharine was surprised that I couldn’t see or hear her because according to Katharine, she was a large Hawaiian-looking female who spoke very clearly. We began by asking for her name and Katharine translated her response with “What you are calling me is fine.” I asked, “Is that Hina?” And she responded, “Yes.” Katharine suggested that I ask her questions. First I asked her “Are you still holding me at the property?” She responded, “Yes, until I am able to download what you need to know”. I asked, “Are you the one feeding me the information for my book?” Her response came back “Yes.” I asked if I had the message of the book correct in that there was a fragment in the feminine energy of the Universe and that the goddess would guide the women in the book to heal themselves and in turn the Universe. Katharine said that she stood up clapping and responded “Bravo, you have it!” Then the response continued, “You will write three books.” This excited me because earlier that day I did get another incoming message and could see my book expanding into a series. But the translation continued, “You will write about the elementals “ferries and such”. I said, “What? Wo, wo wo now wait a minute here. I have absolutely no interest in writing about that. Ask her if she’s sure.” Her answer came back (with a big belly laugh) “Don’t worry once you get started you will love it and it will become your life’s work.” This popped whatever bubble I had and about becoming a famous novelist. I had absolutely no interest in or knowledge of elementals yet there I was being held hostage by some divine being until she felt I got her download about ferries.

After the call I was in a daze as I slumped down the hall toward my bedroom. Suddenly I stopped dead in my tracks as I looked up at a painting I had done a few years prior. I was face-to-face with my painting of a larger than life Hawaiian-looking woman. My reality turned inside out at that moment. Had Hina been communicating all this time? Now events began to re-present themselves to me with a twist. Was Hina the one behind the near immaculate conception of our son at our first home in Maui? The fact we have a son is still inconceivable to us today as we were absolutely sure we couldn’t have children. Was Hina also behind the market research report I crafted about women and their shift toward self-expression, extreme self-care and living life more fully? Looking back, I remembered hearing the voice of women telling me their thoughts, hopes and dreams rather than summarized our research findings. Then even further back I recalled my journaling process (now the foundation of my business and what I call Life Cultivation) came to me just after my first trip to Maui. This experience with Hina was becoming less of a cosmic coincidence and more like the twilight zone. Who was this elemental force really and how could I shake her or fully embrace her?

As reality altering as all this was, I had made a commitment to Ariela and I desperately needed a break though in writing my branding book. Ariela ordered me to take a break for an entire day and do something wonderful for myself. Prior to something wonderful for me I had a coaching session with a client. In the session, my client distinguished two aspects of her self. She called one her chameleon and the other her butterfly. Both had served her in life but were in conflict so we did some work to bring them together and heal the fragmentation. After the session, the concept stayed with me. Something about it seemed significant. I set my work aside and began my assignment from Ariela with a decadent bubble bath in the middle of the afternoon followed by a walk. On my walk, I saw a dragonfly and it touched my heart. My son and I had many intimate experiences with dragonflies darting in and out circling around us while we played together on Maui. I watched the dragonfly in delight and then it hit me another incoming message hit me this time with a new idea for my branding book. The idea was so unexpected and unrelated to anything I had been writing it confirmed Divine Intervention was at play again. The new book I would write would indeed be about elementals but not ferries thank goodness. I was so excited I literally ran back to my computer to capture it. As I wrote my mind wandered to the dragonfly and whether or not it had something to do with the idea so I Googled “symbolism of the dragonfly”. My heart dropped as I read, “the dragonfly is a messenger from the goddess and the elemental world”. I called Ariela and as divine intervention would have it, she loved the book idea and said, “If you don’t write this sucker, I will.”

Later that week and still in the clouds, I shared my breakthrough and new book title with my all-knowing massage therapist. She listened intently then told me everything made perfect sense to her because of where our home is. I had no idea what she was talking about so I asked her to fill me in. She explained that, “As Maui legend was told your home is also the home of Maui’s moon goddess. And the area where your home is located symbolizes the feminine head (this side of Maui); said to have given birth to the masculine heart (the other side of Maui). And, your home is located directly where the third eye of the feminine head would be. So there I was co-creating with a divine feminine force in the center of her own connection to the absolute, all knowing consciousness.

How all this happened is still a surreal mystery to me yet now I see Hina’s expansive role in my life and that she’s not just here to give me ideas for books but to bring forth healing, expression and personal power to women through my coaching, web site as well as my writing. This is all I can reveal for now until my book is finished other than Hina’s painting is hanging in my office (staring at me as I write this) and she is fully supporting me in giving birth to this book. She’s coaching me to write it her way; the magical and mystical feminine way and like my beautiful son, it too will be born some day very soon.

Without giving it much thought at all, I found myself saying “yes” to my very persuasive friend Lisa who asked me to join her at the Yoga Journal conference in San Francisco. We looked at the conference line up together online and I didn’t recognize any of the names. The truth is the only Yoga “practice” I’ve had over the last few years (a.k.a since my son was born) is in my mind. Perhaps once a Yogi, always a Yogi? Anyway, Lisa proceeded to show my all the sexy male Yoga instructors like Rodney Yee, Baron Baptiste and Rod Stryker. Lisa told me Rod Stryker was incredible and that he was married to Cheryl Tiegs at one time. What does this have to do with Yoga you might ask? Nothing but it got my “you know what” to the conference. What could be so bad about learning Tantra Yoga from a man once married to a super model?

After signing up, I jumped into moving from Maui, the whirlwind of the holidays, getting settled back into life in Del Mar and preparing for a ski trip over New Years. Then, I jumped on the New Year’s band wagon determined to create what I envisioned for the year ahead including a new blog, newsletter, three books and workshops all wrapped nicely in an updated brand. With this as my focus, I began to see the the Yoga Conference as a way to launch into the New Year so I began to work like crazy getting the brand in place, new business cards and a promotional card that would unveil the new me.

Meanwhile a small voice kept saying, “Shouldn’t you be doing at least a little Yoga to prepare for the FOUR day Yoga Conference?” This voice manifested into a nudge as I bumped into Kundalini Yoga Master David Shannahoff-Khalsa on the beach with my friend and client Karen. David shared his research to validate Kundalini Yoga as treatment for patients with OCD and other mental illnesses. We talked about Yoga, the conference and my books.

Ignoring that voice and the nudge, I also ignored the fact that my right shoulder was screaming at me. An old injury was perking up and worsening until I had to listen on the Monday the week of the conference. I had three days so I began my mission to do everything I thought I needed to “do” to prepare for the conference with miraculously healing my shoulder at the top of the list.

I was on a roll until the day before I was to leave when I realized someone had vandalized my PO Box and stolen my mail. Shocked, angry and resentful that I had to deal with potential identity theft and cover myself in less than 24 hours, I reached inside myself and somehow shifted the energy by sending compassion to the person who acted against me and firmly drawing my energy around me stating that this will not ruin my Yoga getaway or my life. Off I went the next day to San Francisco without having time to buy sexy new Yoga wear to impress my soon to be sexy instructors. Or think about the fact that a Yoga Conference is not about networking but DUH, it’s about doing Yoga, Yoga, and more Yoga.

Arriving

I arrived on time with nothing stolen or lost; I was off to a good start. My friend and client Heidi picked me up and we headed to the city for a yummy dinner. I must have pulled Heidi into my vortex of non-yogic energy because we proceeded to drive way out of our way before finally making it to dinner and then again on the way to the hotel. Finally I rendezvoused with Lisa and we talked about sexy instructors and life until we put ourselves to sleep.

Day 1

The alarm went off (not a device but Lisa who woke up like a rooster at 6:00 am). And the oxy moron of the Yoga Conference began. Instead of floating through space and time like Yogis are suppose to do, I have never been more scheduled in my life. I looked in the mirror and was aghast as I had not one but two sets of bags under my eyes! And wouldn’t you know Tantra Yoga with the sexy Rod Stryker was my first class. Somehow we made it to Starbucks, Meditation at 7:00 am and onto Rod’s class. I stopped in confusion as I entered the room. Where were the tables and chairs? There was the dirty hotel floor carpet with blue taped spots for your mat sort of like stalls in a barn. My arm was yanked as I headed for the back and Lisa dragged me to the front. There I was - jet lagged, un-yoga-ed, waiting for Rod to appear. Suddenly, I turned and there he was. Our eyes met and he gave me (and everyone of course) a big loving smile. I withdrew into my little blue taped box for protection hoping to place a shield around me that would make my bags and stiff body invisible.

The class began with Rod speaking. He was very dry-witted (my favorite sense of humor) but instead of talking about sex and Tantra Yoga orgasms (darn!), he talked about Tantra Yoga history and philosophy and about being fulfilled in every aspect of your life (Sound familiar?) So while sexy it was not, I had a HUGE epiphany. What I had created as Bring U to Life and Life Cultivation must have roots in the ancient art of Tantra Yoga. The class continued and eventually we did a little Yoga and I thought, “I can handle this”. He introduced us to the power of the Mantra and we practiced a powerful one called Maha Mritunjaya, which is intended to absolve fear allowing us to live in joy (Sound like my Post Office experience? There are no accidents). This powerful Mantra translates to “May the Lord of life who is the fragrance of life empower and nurture me so that I may overcome all my limitations and death itself so that I may taste the immortality and so that my thoughts and actions speak to the divine”. The class ended and I that same voice that nudged me toward Yoga the week prior nudged again, “Perhaps you should study Tantra Yoga.”

All I could think about was napping after class but of course Lisa was ready to go! That night Heidi was coming back to see the very sexy and amazing Michael Franti who put on a private concert for the conference participants. Michael is a beautiful man with a beautiful spirit and incredible music. What we didn’t know is that it would be a “Bikram yoga-like Michael Franti experience.” Again, no chairs in the place and everyone jumping up and down the whole time. We were all sweating wanting to tear our clothes off – unfortunately not for Michael - but because it was so darn hot! So much for all the sweaters I had packed - my Maui flip-flops and tank tops would have been just fine. Somehow I don’t know how but I got Lisa into bed at a decent hour that night – sweet dreams.

Day 2

Rising fairly well rested I felt good. I boldly refused to go to meditation and opted to putter in the room on my own. I made my way down to Starbucks again and then off to the Grand Ballroom for my first session “Yogini” with Seane Corn who was on the poster for the conference. Come to find out Seane is a fiery Jewish gal from New York gone Yogi. She began by drawing us close to her and the stage – great another lecture! Seane spoke to women not about Yoga but about healing themselves and expressing who they are in the world (Sound familiar again? I was here for a reason) Seane used bad words and Yiddish all mixed in with an inspiring Yogini message. She through out the term “Psychic Hit list” by saying that she deliberately put Michael Franti on hers to drawn him into her life (I guess even an evolved Yogini can like sexy men! Good news.) I sat on the stage behind Seane and listened intuitively for what the women were thinking and feeling and listened intently to what they had to say. I was still under the impression my purpose for going to the conference was observation, research and insights for my work. The conference attendees were at least 90% women. That in itself taught me a lot about what women are looking for.

THEN, she called us to our mats. She proceeded to guide us in tearing our hips out of the sockets – I have NEVER been in so much pain in my life. My easy off the hook experience was over - it was nothing but Yoga, Yoga and more Yoga from there. To make matters worse, I had bought a brand new beautiful yoga mat that I hated. I was slipping and sliding which made it impossible for me to go deep into the Yoga experience. I kept having to suppress the anger I had toward myself for not just leaving well enough alone and then found myself plotting to return it (Hint: in an OCD type of way). Finally Shawn was done and I was “DONE” but it definitely wasn’t over.

My next class was in the same room so I had time to go to the bathroom but not return the mat. In walks Baron Baptiste who’s like an infomercial meets Tony Robbins, meets boot camp instructor of Yoga wearing his signature bandana and muscle T. Uh oh, gulp. Somehow the slippery mat became a gift as my obsession and non-slip techniques became a mantra taking my mind off the physical pain I was experiencing. I expanded my technique by allowing my mind to mentally search the booths in the Yoga Marketplace for something to create the therapeutic bath I was going to desperately need at the end of the day. Wasn’t Yoga supposed to detach you from your thoughts? Not me, not yet. Baron was done and it was time for lunch. Again my arm was stretched as I headed for my bed and Lisa dragged me to Subway for a sandwich and then off to shop – at least I had time to return my mat.

It was finally time for Ana Forrest’s class “Healing Injury Through Forrest Yoga”. Hmmmm healing this has to be gentle in order to heal right? Not a chance. It was another two hour-long Yoga class making it six hours of Yoga that day. Ana Forrest was the Yoga equivalent to my writing coach Ariela. In fact I think they would enjoy cracking their whips together in unison. Ana made Baron seem like Suzane Somers in comparison. Somehow, again through my OCD-like thinking, I made it through this course. I did meet wonderful young woman named Natacha who saved my lower back by lending me a block. The class ended with some relief to my shoulder and I could finally head back to the room for a bath. No such luck. When I arrived at the room Lisa announced we only had a half hour to make it to Shiva Rae’s Trance Dance. Did I care? Not really but I wanted to be a good sport so I got ready and off we went. We arrived to Shiva’s opening act and saw/smelled people (mostly un-showered) sitting on the ground with their hands in meditation pose as if the singer was going to infuse them with some sound wave elixir of life. Didn’t these people know that they are the source? Next we got “Please be quiet” by one of these overly serious individuals as we giggled about girls stuff. Just when I couldn’t take it anymore, it was time for the Trance Dance and in walked the closest thing to a Goddess I’ve seen, Shiva Rae. She was amazing and got everyone on their feet and the Trance Dance began which was essentially a nightclub with a new age twist. It was a blast but added another hour and a half of dancing by legs and a body that had already had six hours of Yoga.

We left the dance early due to starvation. Lisa flagged down a cute taxi cab driver (only she could manifest one of these) and he took us to Enricos in North Beach for an Italian meal. Finally I was sitting and soon to be lying in bed…..Lisa’s friend Lynn was with us, she joined us earlier that day. Lynn is an adorable woman that is a natural healer and works with women that meet unfortunate health crisis and can’t afford treatment. Anyway, up walks one of her friends (from Sacramento - how does this happen?) Lynn’s friend is this bubbly adorable gal and what bubbles out of her right of the bat is an invitation to go clubbing. Lisa and Lynn say “Yes!” And I say, “Ohhhhhh Noooooo”.

Day 3

Believe it or not, I woke up fairly sore but not bad considering I had clocked in the night before at 9 hours of Yoga and dancing. The joke the whole conference was “Ok, meet you at 4:30 am at Kundalini Yoga or if we do stay up all night, we can always just roll into Kundalini Yoga at 4:30 am. In case you aren’t familiar the “Kundalinis” they are the ones that wear turbans and all white or off-white. Without realizing it I had signed up for not one but two Kundalini classes on Day 3. No, not at 4:30 am thank goodness. Lisa was with me again so of course we ended up in front and I ended up directly in front and eye-to-eye with Gurmukh who is just short of a Saint who’s presence alters your very being. Realizing that this conference was like a Yoga Buffet, I was about to sample one the most “out there” Yoga CULTures. Gurmukh spoke first about maintaining your Grace in the face of adversity and I thought of bedtime with my four year old. Then she talked about how Kundalini Yoga heals your energy field and connects you with your higher self, God and your path. She explained that 2008 is the year of Dharma which means it’s time to find your true self and live your purpose (Sound familiar?) and that we are literally at the dawning of the age of Aquarius which is coming 2012 shifting our dark world to light.

Then she summoned us to begin what seemed to be more like calisthenics than Yoga. We did jumping jacks and knee bends and arms circles all until the point of utter exhaustion – I LOVED it!! Something in me went off like a switch. There was this memory in my body and perhaps my soul that I had done it before or that it was exactly what my body, mind and soul needed in this life, right now. Would I have to wear a turban too I wondered? Not going to happen but I loved it no less. I remembered Rod Stryker saying that if you did the 4:30 am Kundalini class you would pretty much float out of there. Prior to Kundalini, I wasn’t truly “present” at the conference. Unlike Lisa who had already made 30 new best friends, I was so in my head about how it would help me in business that I hadn’t really met many people and didn’t feel connected. That all changed after the Kundalini class.

Rod was right, I floated out of the Kundalini class and out of nowhere, there he was - Rod Stryker with his beaming smile. It was a surreal moment of connection and then off he went as if to say follow me….. My next class was with the amazing Shiva Rae, the earth bound Goddess. This class was another Yogini all women experience about drawing Shakti or feminine energy into your life. It was a tribal dance of sorts with women rolling around on the ground. I’m sorry to report but the dirty carpet and the woman who kept sticking her feet in my face sort of ruined for me. I love Shiva but was not crazy about this course. I did feel a deepened connection to Shakti and have since had more fun in the shower!

After Shiva, it was time for Rod’s closing remarks. I sat there in the audience and waited for him to appear remembering Seane Corn’s physic hit list - had I subconsciously put him on mine? I continued to feel drawn to him as he spoke again so I mustered up the courage to approach him after his talk. The energy continued as I moved closer and when face-to-face he said, “Sweetheart it’s nice to see you again.” This may sound strange but his comment seemed to refer to another reality instead of the class two days prior. I found myself babbling about my revelation that Tantra Yoga was what I had been drawing from in my teaching. We discussed what his training would offer me and then it was time for him to attend to the line of people behind me.

Day 4

I awoke to a strange sound. Tuning in, I realized the sound was incessant whispering. Lisa and Lynn were having a full on girl talk but instead of talking they were whispering! We all laughed when they realized what they were doing. I made it to Day 4 and was about to spend it with Seane Corn. This course was about taking your Yoga practice off that mat and into the world. Seane is an amazing women full of enough energy to save the world and she’s up for the task. When I signed up for the course, I thought it sounded like what I already do but there was nothing else that appealed to me. On this day, I had a different take and knew that there was something here for me personally to gain as well. Seane started out talking again so I thought that Yoga wasn’t going to be a part of the day but I should have known better. Shawn had us dig into our hips once again and even caught me cheating a few times. The course evolved into a tribal awakening of our spirits and just when I thought this is groovy but what am I getting, I had a huge break through. She asked us what breaks our heart and to talk about it with a partner. The sensation I got was that my heart had no voice. A huge lump gathered in my throat and I had to energetically release it with lots of tears. Upon doing so, I began spewing about what breaks my heart. The message was that from this place of broken heartedness, is where we find our power and passion. It was a lovely gift that softened me and took me to a place of bliss. The session came to a close and was a huge inspiration to me for what I can create with my books and workshops.

So why did I take the time to write so much about this conference?

I gained so much from this experience some of which I can put into words and some of which I can’t. Overall, I learned the power of what happens when you say “Yes!” to that little voice even if you have to be coaxed with sexy Yogis. I learned that we can at any time change our vibration by being more present in our bodies and that when we are in that place, the synchronicity switch goes off and the order of the Universe shifts to support you. And the practice of Yoga is not about striking the perfect pose but about becoming your true self and taking that into your life and into the world. So I guess I am a Yogi after all.

And more…

My shoulder appears to be miraculously healed
I feel more alive and empowered to stay in my Grace
I can now see why my Maui experience shifted to the mainland
I deeply connected with Shakti (the feminine) and amazing women
I discovered profound practices that will enhance my ability to guide others
I found my next teacher who just happens to be a sexy Yogi

Ahhhhhh, there you have it. I never did get that bath though.

I’ve just reemerged from a whirlwind series of trips during the selling and saying Aloha to our home in Maui. We knew the day would come that we’d have to let our home in Maui go but it was still “bittersweet”. For many reasons we know this was the perfect time and the perfect buyer of our precious home that we built from pineapple fields to a spectacular jewel. Notice I didn’t say “goodbye” to our home. After this experience, I now know that the Hawaiian’s had to create the word Aloha not only because it is truly the spirit that runs through the islands but also leaving the island and having to say goodbye would be too painful without the option of saying Aloha.

I’ve learned that Aloha is a necessary word for the full expression of your heart. Maui has reached in and grabbed hold of my heart in a way that no other place has. Although Aloha is often used in place of Hello and Goodbye it really means Love. And it means love in a way where you truly share your heart with other people for no other reason than to acknowledge that you both exist in a heavenly kingdom (or queendom) - and you both share the love for the spirit and beauty on the Hawaiian Islands.

Beyond Aloha, I’d describe my experience at our home as pure magic. As we look back over the chain of events my husband and I can’t explain logically why we bought the property, built our home and kept it as long as we did. On a normal conscious level it made no sense of all but we were literally spellbound and drawn there for reasons of the heart and soul.

At the beginning we were so busy with our son and the process of living between two homes and two cities we didn’t realize how magnificent of an experience it was. We’d tell people about it or our friends would come to visit and they’d say “Wow, that’s incredible you are so lucky” “Or you’re living like Rock Stars” We’d say thank you but it didn’t really sink in until a true Rock Star Mike Kroeger from the band Nickelback moved in next door. It hit us, “We are living like Rock Stars!” Other neighbors are CEOs and major executives from Silicon Valley and pro-golfers and then of course there was us. Now that it’s gone, it really does feel like a dream and oh what a dream it was!

When I think about the incredible gifts I received from living on Maui for almost five years (other than an incredible tan and a few more wrinkles than I’d planned on ) I’d have to say that I found my heart and learned how to love. This sounds a bit corny but truly my reality crossed over to a different dimension - a world of Technicolor opened up for me kind of like Dorothy going from black and white in Kansas to full color on OZ. As if spending hundreds of days in paradise with my husband, son, friends and family were not enough, there were other heavenly parcels left on my life’s doorstep.

1) Realized my life purpose or Dharma and packaged it as Bring U to Life and found this incredible community with all of you 2) Connected to one of my spirit guides, the Hawaiian Goddess Hina, who lead to 3) Declared my passion for writing, created several book ideas and began writing my first book 4) Realized the power my body has to heal and regenerate, what causes stress and how to live a fully healthy and vibrant life (which I am doing now by the way, my past problems appear to be gone!) 6) Learned the precious lesson of detaching by letting go our this dream creating a new opening for many more unexpected dreams to come true.

I want to share our home with you as I feel it will always be a part of us. The only thing that can come close to capturing the feeling you get on our property is the song by the famous Hawaiian artist IZ. He mixes the songs Somewhere Over the Rainbow and It’s a Wonderful World. The song came out just before our wedding and we included it in our ceremony and from then on it became the theme song for our beautiful journey on the magical island.

Here are some photos for your viewing pleasure!

Another gift was meeting a friend Lisa on the island and really making a heart connecting during the time of the sale. She happens to be a gifted photographer and she captured the property and the area in a way where no one else has.

Here’s some of the photos captured by my friend Lisa Deutsch.

Over the years we create stories about our life and whether or not we realize it we have total control over the story we tell. At any time, we can recreate a story with meaning about any part of our past, present or future. The story I’m telling about our experience at this home in Maui is that life can be a dream if you let it. Dreams are meant to be cherished in your heart not held on to forever. Even if a dream lasts for a brief moment, it’s still a dream. Welcome your dreams into your life and be willing to let them go, as there may be even more incredible experiences in store for you!

What’s next for us? We’re living full time in Del Mar but we’ll always follow our hearts back to Maui.

Aloha,

Cindy

“I have found the paradox that if I love until it hurts, then there is no hurt, only more love.” –Mother Teresa

I’m not quite sure what hit me over the last six weeks since my last post but it’s somewhere between some kind of psychic flu and a good old fashioned mid-life crisis or nervous breakdown.

I’ll try my best to put my experience into words as so much happened in the way of events and in the way of life altering realizations. In addition to wondering what kind of cruel cosmic plan lead me to finally reveal the details of my life just prior to a total breakdown, I’ve gone back and forth about what to share with all of you. I’ve felt like I’ve weakened the link in our connection and thought about how I could turn this into an uplifting experience as I struggled to uplift myself out of bed in the morning. The conclusion I came to is that I started something and I can’t stop now. There is some reason I’m sharing my life with you and I now have a hunch as to what that might be. It would be a lot easier to share if everything were all pretty and perfect but in reality that’s not the way it is. That’s not the way life is. And after this experience I know with all my heart and soul it’s not what will lead any of us to deep lasting fulfillment. Perfection is not what’s real. Our imperfection, our humanness is what’s real and where we find love. One of the realizations I had about my business is that I want to develop a way for all of you to communicate with one another as our ability to share these rich and real life experiences that we all have is what makes a difference in our lives and the lives of others. If you want the Reader’s Digest version of my experience with the lessons and realizations they are down below. For those of you who want the details, here we go.

I was two weeks away from finishing my book when I began to “lose it”. Not only did my arms lock up to the point where I could no longer type but also emotionally I began to break down and mentally my mind turned to mush. I knew I was alive but felt as if “I” was disappearing and losing my ability to connect with reality. Of course this was very scary. I thought of my son and regretfully wondered what I had done to myself. How could I have pushed myself so hard that I was now short circuiting and barely able to function normally in life let alone be that Super Mother that my son deserves? I was doing my best to hold on and continue forward but the day came when I realized I had to put the book on hold as my life seemingly depended on it. It hit me like a ton of bricks, like a voice yelling, “You HAVE to deal with this, you CAN’T go on.” I called Ariela (my writing coach) from the Napili Market parking lot after dropping my son off at school. She told me this happens to people in one form or the other. Sometimes it’s the computer that crashes, sometimes people get into accidents and sometimes (in my case) people lose their minds. It was hard to admit that I couldn’t go on but as I did a sentence from my book flashed in my mind “At the most extreme state of imbalance the Chameleon can not move forward”. Then I remembered my last blog where I shared that at times I felt as if the book was writing me. Perhaps this was meant to be, perhaps this was what transformation looks like, or perhaps there is no perhaps and this is just what happens to people that don’t realize they are completely out of balance.

Just as I was hanging up with Ariela noticing an incredible rainbow out my car window, my phone rang. It was my husband frantically telling me to go see Mary for a massage right away because he was suppose to be there but couldn’t because I had the car. I hung up and the tears began to flow as I headed for Big Mary’s safe and insightful haven. I walked in and collapsed even further, it was the perfect place for me to be and “be”. At the end of the massage, she said she wanted me to call a Canadian Naturopath that had helped her over the years and also had helped people like Naomi Judd recover from Hepatitis C. “I have to go to Canada?” I asked. “No, call him.” She said. “He’s psychic and can help you over the phone”. We were headed back to the mainland the next day so I called immediately to make an appointment. The nurse said she wasn’t sure if he took phone appointments anymore but that she’d ask him and get back to me. I begged in a socially acceptable manner and gracefully dropped Mary’s name.

We got on a plane and headed for San Diego. It had never felt so good to be going “home”. The day after we arrived, I had the call with the psychic Naturopath. He listened to all my symptoms and gave me a list of things to do: 1) Have an MRI and rule out Multiple Sclerosis 2) Rule out heavy metal toxicity 3) Get acupuncture and 4) Take Rubi Meds – a homeopathic remedy for emotional healing (the natural alternative to Prozac I had written about!) His take was that a) the physical condition was coming from my neck and stress b) I didn’t know where my home was and therefore was not grounded c) I was processing an old childhood wound and possibly abuse that I had no memory of d) I am a perfectionist who is too hard on herself and e) I have closed off my heart and throat chakras.

Even though he and everyone else I talked to was pretty sure I didn’t have a life threatening illness, I went on my scavenger hunt to rule out impending doom. I wanted to know what the heck was really wrong with me and heal it so I could get back to my life, which now was more precious to me than ever. The Rubi Meds took a while to get to me so I had two solid weeks of touch and go where I broke down dropping my son off at school with the Pre-School director saying looks like you’re taking this a little harder than he is and moments where I had to physically lay down because I couldn’t focus or function.

I managed to get to Lani; an incredible healer I had seen years ago that I believe is responsible for me having my son. She does energetic healing and almost six years ago she cleared blockage in my reproductive area and told me I would get pregnant if I didn’t use birth control. Low and behold after five years of unprotected sex with no pregnancy we did get pregnant. She is a no nonsense healer and will tell you if you’re fine and don’t need to see her. After her evaluation of me, she said, “We have some work to do.” After several sessions, she was able to extract what she described as incredible pain and trauma from my brain. And she “un” shrink-wrapped my heart. She also sent me to an incredible acupuncturist named Adriane, a gentle and easy on the eyes dynamic young healer. He diagnosed my problem as a short circuit in my nervous system. Just as your computer shuts down or gets stuck in a loop and needs to be rebooted, so did I. He used a technique for supporting me in doing this where he somehow disconnected my mind from my emotions and then through breathing he guided me to release even more and turn the master switch off in my nervous system.

Meanwhile I did have the MRI. I was lucky the insurance approved it as it appears they are getting more stringent and not using it as a tool to “rule out” illnesses. Don’t get me started on our health care system. The experience of having an MRI for those of you who haven’t been so lucky is like being on trapped in tube in a straight jacket on acid (not that I’ve been on acid but you get the picture). I used my Yoga breathing methods and mantras to get me through it all the while wondering what they were finding. The following week I sat in my medical Doctor’s office and he rattled off the findings. In a nutshell there was nothing physically wrong with me. The good news was that I may be going crazy but I am certainly not dying. His conclusion was very similar to Adriane’s although he compared me to war victims that still experience war after coming home. He called it hyper-vigilance and suggested I take an antidepressant to experience what it feels like to be “normal” for a while. I told him it was nice to know that is an option but that I was going to see what I could do by resting and healing.

Meanwhile-meanwhile I explored the spiritual side of my experience as well. I emailed my Astrologer for tips as he had warned me about my nervous system months earlier. He said Mercury and a couple other events were causing my trouble and to wear emeralds or aqua marine, bathe in green, say the Mercury mantra up to 108 times per day and above all to avoid fear and avoid stress. Well I worked my way around the first three suggestions but realized that avoiding fear and stress would be near impossible without a functioning nervous system. Onward I went through weeks that felt like years but soon I began to feel better the healing began to work. I read something in the Course in Miracles that helped put the process in context. It was something to the affect that all you have to do to heal is to invite it to happen and open yourself to the process.

Today, as I sit back and observe myself and what I’ve experienced with this condition, there is without a doubt a divine hand in it. The gift it’s given me is plentiful. I now know more about health than ever, eat a clean and healthy diet with no caffeine or alcohol, consistently exercise, meditate, walk on the beach and do Yoga; rest every day, practice kind and loving thoughts toward myself, face and work through my fears, and balance my personal and work life. It has lead me to a calm and peaceful life and a wonderful foundation from which to create. I guess I needed more than a little encouragement from up above. And the insights continue to pour in.

1. Life is not about being totally perfect and hiding your flaws but about being totally human embracing all of your flaws.

2. There is nothing more paralyzing or toxic than fear. The thing about fear is that it has already paralyzed you to the point where you don’t know you are totally controlled by it. You don’t know it’s there. It’s the silent killer of dreams and of lives.

3. The same goes for balance. We don’t realize we’re out of balance because we’re too busy trying to balance our lives. I believe everyone is out of balance. It’s the nature of the world we live in. It’s a natural occurrence as we can’t help but be products of our environment.

4. It doesn’t matter what your trauma was in the past but know that you have experienced some kind of trauma and emotional pain and at some point or another you need to take the time to heal or it will catch up with you. This goes for big things and just healing or restoring your energy at the end of a tough day. Resting is essential and the most underrated activity we have available to us.

5. Our bodies have limits and our spirits do not. Balance your short and long term investment by caring for your body and honoring your spirit. Allow your body to crash for a while if it needs to, it has an incredible ability to restore itself if you let it do what it’s designed to do. Allow your mind to rest. Find ways to turn off your mind as it’s the best way to balance your mind body and spirit. Either meditate or just mentally turn off the switch.

6. Let people in your life support you when you need it. You have an incredible support system but do you take advantage of it or do you try to “handle” everything yourself? Remember you are never alone; there is always someone to talk to who will understand what you’re feeling. All of your feelings are valid, regardless if there is someone worse off than you. Processing emotions is another essential way to balance your mind, body and spirit.

7. If there is one thing that can heal and transform your life, it is love. Loving yourself deeply and passionately is the highest form of self-expression and consciousness that exists. It is from this place that you can transform your own life and the lives of others.

I’m back in Maui and still learning patience and the value of taking time to heal as I trust that everything is in divine timing. And, I know that on some level I was the one who requested this experience and “down time” as necessary to clear what no longer serves me as I set out to be of service to others. I continue to heal every day and am exploring the rich and wonderful insights I’ve received especially the power of opening my heart and loving myself more deeply than I’ve ever imagined.

Take time to rest, turn off that switch, open your heart and courageously move beyond your fears.

The last time I felt the vortex of life closing in on me was when I was pregnant with my son and prior to that building our home in Maui and prior to that getting married all of which happened within a 1 ½ year timeframe. This Vortex is of course writing my book. It’s as if I’m writing in “sur”real time. As I move through the experiences myself which feels more like moving through physical spaces, I write about them - or it could be that as I write I move myself from one reality to the next (do-doot-do-doot-do-doot-do-doot - the sound from the twilight zone…). Never in my life have I experienced such a concentrated energy force taking me from feeling trapped to freeing my soul in the same moment. And the coincidences continue as if one cosmic puzzle is all coming together.

In my first formal session with Ariela she set our timeline and proceeded to tell me that my behavior up until that point has been extremely controlling. I said, “What?” as flashbacks of my husband telling me the same thing over the years flew heatedly before my eyes. Oddly enough, I did not defend myself, in a strange way it felt like a relief perhaps how thugs feel when they’re tired of being on the run and the cops close in and finally corner them – maybe not. Anyway, I think it was a catalyst in my breakthrough that soon followed. The first assignment she gave me was to write an outline. A no brainer if you’re writing is flowing which was not the case for me at that moment. I felt myself mentally cowering from Ariela’s whip that I was sure would come at me if I didn’t get some kind of break through with this book.

I needed a breakthrough and it struck me that breakthroughs are what I do for a living. So, I began taking my own medicine so to speak and cleared old limiting beliefs and emotions. Mostly fears came up with one particular fear that had manifested with an ingrained sense that I was constantly threatened in someway. This was most likely at the core of my dysfunctional nervous system putting me into overdrive for no “real” reason. What also came up was that I needed to be ready to receive my life entering a new reality of “arriving” and “receiving” vs. “seeking” and “striving”. In addition to working my own issues, it occurred to me to have my soul clearing person check to see if there was an outside chance of something at the soul level that was causing me to “lock up”. I’ve been through three levels of soul clearing already but evidently my somewhat ancient soul coupled with mild neurosis in this life still needed to be cleared and in fact she did find eerily related issues to what was going on (do-doot-do-doot-do-doot-do-doot).

One day I did what I always do when I’m blocked and went for a walk around our property [sidebar: without knowing it, my walk was the exact day and time that my soul clearing was done - do-doot-do-doot-do-doot-do-doot]. The area around our home is so beautiful it is a surreal experience in itself with the wild life, ocean views and sprawling hills leading to the mysterious West Maui Mountains. On my walk, I saw a dragonfly. I love dragonflies and how they always seem to come to visit rather than fly by. There have been times playing with my son when they’d circle us, swooping and diving – one time we counted and the dragonfly circled us 41 times. Anyway, this dragonfly’s visit was like a spark of energy. I ran back home to my computer and began writing.

As I wrote, I realized I had three book ideas in one and that was why it felt so heavy; so overwhelming. It was challenging enough to write one book in 6-8 weeks but three? No wonder my back was screaming for help it had been carrying quite a load. I sent Ariela three book outlines instead of the one that was due to her. One was secretly my favorite and I hoped she would feel the same way. At our next consultation, Ariela took me through what we needed to discuss and at the end of our call she led me through an exercise to determine which book I would write. The result came and my favorite idea stood out as the one I would write first. She too was in favor of the book; she actually saw great commercial potential and said she would write the book if I didn’t. She told me not to share the idea or title of the book with anyone so all I will say is that it has something to do with the dragonfly and that in my brief research of the dragonfly I found that they are messengers of the goddess and the elemental world [Sidebar: remember the goddess a few posts back? I guess she’s at it or at me again, which might explain why the experience of writing this is so surreal. Also, I shared my dragonfly experience with Big Mary (who I’ve come to find is all-knowing) and she said, “Of course, it makes perfect sense because your property is also the home of the moon goddess of Maui. And your home is located on the third eye of what is said to be the feminine head (west Maui) which gave birth to the masculine mind (the other side of Maui) making the island of Maui as it is today - do-doot-do-doot-do-doot-do-doot].

Anyway, I feel a great relief, my body is free and I am free to create – but I still have to write a book in 3 more weeks. So that is exactly I’m off to do – write, write and write. In fact as I finish this, I hear the fax from Ariela coming through with her edits. There you have it breakdown, breakthrough and life in the Vortex with my computer, the moon goddess and me.

Be careful what you wish for and I mean this literally. In my last post I confessed my secret desire to become a writer. Well, guess what I’ve been doing ever since then? Yep, writing! I guess I should have desired to have a book publishing deal land on my desk that included a ghostwriter and editor. Pursuing a dream to become a writer should be exciting right? Well, tell that to my carpel tunnel ridden wrists, wrenched neck, stiff shoulders, kinked back and sore hips (how can your hips get sore from writing? Hmmmm).

The irony of what I’m experiencing is driving me crazy. Pursuing my dream should be inspirational, joyous and pleasurable and here I am one step away from looking for a Prozac Alternative (herbal remedy of course). Because of the nature of my work, I know there is an opportunity for a breakthrough here – transformation – getting to the other side of what’s holding me back. [Sidebar: Aren't metaphors interesting? Holding me back and I'm holding pain in my back.] Meanwhile, little Dr. Heather my chiropractor is makin’ major bank off me. I even had to call in the reserves this week and add big Mary the masseuse to the team. Don’t get me wrong, Dr. Heather may look like Chiropractor Barbie giggling and laughing but she digs into you with S&M force releasing what she claims to be the root cause of all this discomfort – muscular scar tissue.

Last time, I mentioned the mysterious Ariela - well I hired her as a writing coach and we start the formal process this week (just think what my bodywork bill will be now!). She insists she has a magical process that whips a book out in 6-8 weeks. I’m a bit skeptical so we’ll see how big her whip is and how much pain I can bare. It’s been an interesting process so far trying to put into writing what comes so natural and intuitively to me. One thing I’ve noticed is that all of my own stuff (sh*#) is coming up - big time. I guess I have to experience personally what I’m meant to teach others. Is this what I wished for? Calgon take me away!

Still, each day is filled with excitement and more coincidences mostly with just the right information falling into my lap. As it turns out Big Mary not only has the strongest hands of any woman in the world but she’s also a wealth of information having studied the body for 30+ years. During our first session, I asked her if she knew how all my knots (muscular scar tissue) got there in the first place (secretly hoping she’d prescribe some magic cure, point me in the direction of that herbal Prozac Alternative or give me insight into the real root of the problem). With her hands digging into me like a mallet into raw meat, she began to educate me on the Autonomic Nervous System made up of the Sympathetic and Parasympathetic sub nervous systems. I know it’s amazing I welcomed a science lesson while getting a massage but I was intrigued as I’ve been experiencing a break down in my own nervous system with on and off numbness in my arms and hands and a panic attack at the onset.

She went on to say that the Sympathetic system releases energy and the Parasympathetic system restores energy. The Sympathetic kicks in when we’re threatened releasing a fight or flight response and has no way of discerning whether what we’re experiencing is a real threat or not. [Sidebar: So basically this puppy goes off if your house is on fire or if you're just cornered by a close talker with bad breath at a cocktail party]. Furthermore, she told me that we set it off when we’re stressed, worried or just intensely combating traffic, to-do lists, bad hair, adult acne or furrow lines (I embellished this one a bit).

It was like Pandora’s box opened and out flew memories flashing before my eyes. The first flash was another masseuse saying to me, “It seems as if everything’s going out of your body and nothing’s coming in”. Then I heard the distant voice of an ex-boss yell “We’re not curing cancer!” as I ran down the hall in my pumps. Flash, flash, flash all the way up to the present as I saw myself writing my book, leaning forward, and typing furiously to finish a thought before getting yet another request for Cheetos or juice from my 4 year old.

I came back to consciousness with big Mary saying, “This nervous system affects our muscles and glands and with enough stress overtime, our muscles tighten, entrap the nerves and cause numbness, tingling and even panic attacks (check, check, check). And it can cause glandular issues like thyroidism (check) or damage to the pancreas and eventually your heart. So I got my answer and now know what the root of my knots are – me! The moral of this story expanded from not only being careful what you wish for but also what you say. I’ve told clients time and again that as you move beyond the known and pursue your desires, your subconscious chatter gets louder and louder and your past-based limiting beliefs and behaviors cling to you holding on for dear life (check and check again).

So later in the week as all of this settled in; my big “a-ha” moment came with the realization that because this book has a deadline (perhaps the “dead” in deadline?) my sympathetic nervous system was kicking in that oh so familiar adrenaline rush to help me out. And Mary said that it’s these overdoses of adrenaline that do a lot of the physical damage. As I received this insight I thought, “So this just lovely, my dream is to be a writer who deals with deadlines and I have a dysfunctional relationship with the word.” Then boom! More memories begin to flash before me again…there I was playing high school volley ball and finally quitting because I couldn’t take the stress; flash…years of overreacting to work and experiencing undo stress, flash…cha-ching cha-ching rang loud and clear as I considered all the dollars I’ve spent on Chiropractics prior to Chiropractor Barbie; flash…me with a big belly perfecting the baby’s room to the point of insanity; flash…trying to be a perfect mother and near obsession with my son’s bowel movements; flash…me in the present waking up at 5:00 am and heading straight to my computer to get a jump on the day before the requests for juice begin. After the incoming flashes dissipated, I realized I’ve been “using” this behavior to motivate myself for a long time and it’s finally tapped out on its effectiveness. In fact, for my health’s sake, I have no other choice but to find another way to follow my dream of becoming a writer that won’t send my body into fight or flight or God forbid looking for that Prosac Alternative.

So the question lying neatly tied up with a bow before me is this, “How do I (we) step into the unknown with great joy and freedom while bringing my (our) desires to life rather than pushing forward with old limiting behaviors of intensity, effort and a threat to my (our) well being?” I guess this is why some people don’t move beyond the known and stay safe; at first it’s a little bit uncomfortable – literally growing pains perhaps?

The moral expands one more time to “Things happen for a reason”. I guess I’m meant to answer this question. So off I go back to my computer relaxing and sitting back in my chair like it’s a Jacuzzi and I allow the book to flow out from my fingers – or are they Jacuzzi jets? I have a feeling it’s a little more than this but it’s a start anyway. Do you relate? Or, do you already have this all figured out? Leave a comment below.

http://www.bringutolife.com/blog/?cat=5

This is my first post about “My Life” which is a little scary to me - I’m much more comfortable behind the scenes. In fact, I’ve always related to the Wizard of Oz. I know this probably seems strange but being born of a Mother who once told me I “look” just like Oprah Winfrey, I have strange analogies sometimes. Anyway, here’s why I relate to the Wizard of Oz. I love create, dream big, project and create experiences but I also don’t like anyone to know that I am responsible. So I’ve always related to the simple little man behind the curtain flipping switches, pushing controls and not wanting anyone to know he was in fact not a great wizard but only a simple man.

Well when you’re hell-bent on finding your destiny (like I am), the curtain begins to deteriorate and that’s what’s been happening in my life. Writing this blog is part of that deterioration. It’s a coming out of sorts for me (from the curtain not the closet by the way). So what follows is a display of vulnerability by revealing to you a deep desire that I’ve had ever since I can remember. And even now with the events that I’m about to share this desire truly only seems like a dream.

Pursuing your destiny is like being a detective. You go with hunches, look for clues and follow a path that is unknown for most of the way until finally, one piece at a time; it all starts to come together. Coincidence is a powerful tool while searching for your destiny. Coincidences can come in the way of an opportunity presenting itself to you over and over, pieces of random information dropping in your lap, something or someone you’ve been thinking about showing up in your life, or a series of events happening separately over time but all of a sudden all tying together. These coincidences are clues that lead you to your destiny so notice and follow them.

[Side bar on Destiny. The paradox is that your destiny is with you all the time. It’s not something you create. It’s something you actually chose for yourself prior to entering this life. And, then life is about uncovering your destiny and dynamically creating your life as an expression of it and your true self.]

Getting back to coincidence, I’m reading and working with the book The Spontaneous Fulfillment of Desire by Deepak Chopra. It’s all about the power of coincidence. And, it’s purely coincidence that I came to read this book which in turn set an incredible amount of coincidences in motion – follow me?

My friend Rose Rose (who obviously knows the power of coincidence) wanted to attend one of Deepak’s seminars so we agreed to check it out together. I received an email weeks later with a $200 savings on a Deepak seminar (Coincidence #1). I sent it to Rose and we picked Synchrodestiny. The sales person for the seminar told us the seminar was based on the book Spontaneous Fulfillment of Desire so we both bought the book as a way to check out what was to come in the seminar. However, the book became more important to me when I found out that my friend Suzanne who had been trying to get pregnant for a long time was finally pregnant (Yeah Suzanne and Mark - you Stud you) and was having her baby shower the weekend of the seminar (Coincidence #2).

Because I was going to miss the seminar, I found myself digging deeply into the book and found it to be quite complex at first. I would start it and stop it and had to reread several chapters to get it. All of a sudden, just as I got past this and fully engaged in the book my life became this “Alice in Wonderland-like world of muddled coincidences” It was as if I somehow entered the book itself or at least a new dimension the book opened up for me (Hint: Buy the Book it’s been a trip ?.)

Soon after, I got a call from Ariela Wilcox, a branding consultant, editor and agent. She had bumped into my husband at the Del Mar post office for the second time in the last six months. (Coincidence #3). Being who she is, she called me and said in a matter of fact way, “I bumped into Stan (again, sigh…) so I guess it’s time to meet you. It was the worst time ever to meet anyone. I was in my usual escape to Maui countdown with no shower, frizzed hair and home in disarray but somehow she ended up right in the middle of it. In my kitchen with my four year old running amuck and my husband vacuuming she calmly presented her credentials mostly on branding and licensing. About half way through, she presented me with a gift - a metallic silver journal that said “Create” on it (Coincidence #4).

Toward the end of the conversation, I was either delirious or feeling comfortable with her and I thought, “What the heck, I’m going to lay the crazy book idea on her.” I proceeded to tell her that I’ve been receiving ideas from a Goddess on Maui for a book about women. [A huge side bar on this will come later] She listened with no expression and said, “Hmmmm…modern day women…mixed with ancient wisdom…I like it and I’ll give you a free consultation on that one when you return to Del Mar. She also said, “Oh and glad to know you’re a Woo-woo like me.” Woo-woo is her term for people that are into astrology, intuition, believe in destiny, souls, spirits - or in some circles the people known as the crazies, hippies or overly deep individuals. (I’m proud to be a Woo-Woo by the way.)

[Sidebar about my writing: Here’s my vulnerable confession. I've always wanted to be a writer and I get ideas for books all the time they just pop into my head. Writing pursues me - I don’t pursue it. You’d think wanting it so badly I would have studied it in college or write consistently but I’ve never put writing first. I took a work shop here or there but never made it a priority. It always seemed so unattainable for all the practical reasons (How could I possibly get published when writers work for years and years without getting published? How could I write now when I haven’t even practiced? I don’t read enough to be a writer. Writers are good with grammar and I’m not - on and on) but yet it continues to haunt me and now hunt me with the Goddess sending me plot, characters and more…). I guess it’s in my nature to want to know I’ll be successful before I put my time into something (sound familiar to any of you?) At a writing workshop long ago, I remember receiving a dirty look from a snooty and published writing teacher when I asked the question shyly, “Um, oh, is it possible to get the first book you’ve ever written published?” She lowered her glasses, looked at me intently and said snidely, “Well yes Cindy…I guess it is possible.]

As Ariela was leaving that day, my four year old began teasing her and playing with her – she played back in a very cute and surprising way considering she was wearing a suit on a Saturday and just gave a very professional and informative presentation. All of a sudden my son reached down and touched her big toe. It was so sweet and so intimate and the final confirmation I needed on Ariela as my little one is the best judge of character. (Coincidence #5 came later that day). I went for a run and as usual let things go, opened my self up and all of a sudden, a journal entry from over 10 years ago popped into my head. In the entry, I was attempting to create my future as a writer. The entry came back to me vividly as if I had just written it. I was having lunch at Café Del Mar in a fabulous new outfit discussing the terms of my first book with my agent. I smiled and wondered, “Could my agent be Ariela…..?” Then, I kept running.

More on the Goddess and other coincidences soon ? Share your stories of coincidence as well by clicking on “Leave a Comment below.”