Buy Cindy's BookLet Yourself Off the Hook and Experience True Freedom
While I was on Maui for my 9 day “me” fest I realized that so many of us are constantly on the hook preventing us from experiencing who we truly are and finding that alignment that is so essential to balance and freedom to express yourself.
When was the last time you turned your phone off with the intention of taking a break just for you? The practice of taking yourself off the hook is essential to finding balance and reconnecting with you. The big news is that there is more hooking you than your phone or checking your Blackberry every other minute.
There are hooks that take you out of the present, fog your clarity, and even steel your power away. These hooks can be self-imposed or thrown out there by others for you to bite (hook, line and sinker). Take a minute. You know “who” and “what” hooks you don’t you? Can you see the faces and hear the words? It can be guilt, expectations, honoring the needs of others before your own, the success carrot at the end of your career stick, fear and even a yet to be fulfilled dream.
Do you seek balance? True balance can only be found when your actions and life practice are aligned with your true self. Hooks can be more than tempting. They can have power over you, especially when they are self-imposed by your ego. Notice when you literally feel pulled to do something against your will. The pull can be physically (let’s hope not), psychically, emotionally or energetically. Notice that the pull of a hook will send your mind into over time evaluating, second guessing, worrying and pleasing. A pull from your true self will feel calming, sure, and leave little mind activity. Resistance is a sign that a hook is present. If you are resisting something, ask yourself if the resistance is the hook or if what you are resisting is the hook. For example, you could be in an unsatisfying relationship. Ask yourself if you are you resisting commitment to a person that is aligned with your true self or are you resisting the truth that the person is not really for you?
When you feel hooked, stop and take yourself off. Detach and regroup. Let your energy drop down to your heart and check in with “you” to see what your truth is and then let your actions follow. A good little test is that “If it’s not a YES than it’s a NO”. If what’s pulling you is not a total YES then chances are it’s coming from a hook. There are times when we do things that are not a total YES. See if you can shift these actions to a conscious choice vs. a reaction to remain aligned and in balance.
Do take your phone off the hook as well, exercise because it feels good not to lose weight, or pursue a project just because your passionate about it. And, YES turn off your phone, Blackberry and computer. As you do, feel yourself being taken off the hook to enjoy the peace you deserve.
Here’s Five Steps to Let Yourself Off the Hook:
1. Acknowledge or notice that you are hooked. Regardless of where the hook is coming from or whose at fault (an argument, disagreement, or something or someone getting to you is a sign of a hook!). The important step is admitting you are hooked - this immediately gives the hook less power.
2. Ask yourself what or whom you are hooked by? What set you off? Take responsibility and in turn take your power back by realizing regardless of the situation, you allowed yourself to be hooked. Pinpoint and put words to the hook.
3. Explore what the hook is hooking into within you. Just like a hook that catches the fish, the hook has to have something to hook into - the fishing hook has no power unless the fish bites! If someone says something that makes you feel guilty, you are likely embodying guilt or carrying guilt from some past experience. Otherwise, there would be nothing for the guilt provoking person or communication to hook into. For example, I was raised Catholic and guilt was a cornerstone for communication in our family. I made the choice many years ago not to “do” guilt and then I married a Jewish man! Because we have guilt (and much more) in common, guilt is still a tempting hook in my life but I choose not to bite anymore.
4. Create clarity. Observe the hook, what it’s hooked into, and find your clarity and final position on the situation, topic or person. Powerfully state and/or write down your bottom line and communicate it. This will bring you back into alignment with your truth, calm you down and allow you to move on or beyond the hook.
5. Trust and stand in your power. Maintain your alignment by supporting yourself. If someone reacts or things don’t work out exactly how you would like, trust that your alignment and power is much more important and will attract new people and experiences into your life that are more aligned with who you are.
For help unhooking, leave a post here with the situation and otherwise enjoy your new found freedom from hooks! For more articles, insights and tools to live true, I invite you to sign up for my FREE membership.
June 23rd, 2009 at 11:13 pm
Pretty good post. I just stumbled upon your blog and wanted to say
that I have really liked reading your posts. In any case
I’ll be subscribing to your blog and I hope you post again soon!
June 26th, 2009 at 7:45 pm
Hey, have you seen this news article?
New details about Michael Jackson’s Death Emerge
I was wondering if you were going to blog about this…
June 27th, 2009 at 3:11 pm
Thanks for the comment Lacy, look forward to hearing more thoughts from you!
June 27th, 2009 at 3:12 pm
I have not seen the article on Michael, I am enjoying the celebration of his music and don’t mind at all that it is on every station. He is an icon and it’s sad that he was troubled enough to raise questions about his nature and intentions. What an amazing human being who inspired so many. Being a mother I can’t help that hope he set up trusts for his kids and that they receive the ongoing benefit of his father’s genius.
September 11th, 2009 at 4:42 pm
Cindy, this post is wonderful. I am going to print it off and put it on my fridge where it reminds me to stop and look within. Your book is still one that remains on my desk, for when I need inspiration, and this post, too, will serve me well. As mentioned in an email to you, I would like to offer your readers a program offered on my site. There is no charge for Remember, Reconnect, Feel & Manifest. Just fill in the form and the 30 day Program will be sent out along with follow up and support. http://www.juliesheaven.ca/html/information.html This program will help to identify the “hooks” you speak of here. Blessings
November 26th, 2009 at 2:08 am
Hi Cindi
Your newsletter on gratitude really resonated deeply with me. An “attitude of gratitude” changed my life in many areas but I had forgotten recently how this practice brings us back into the Now. I desperately needed to let myself off the hook and unconsciously “withdrew” from a lot of activites in the last 2 months but didn’t consciously work with why I felt blocked, stuck and “hooked”. Reading your blog has just helped me realise a truth that was slowly making its way to the surface but that I’ve been resisting. For me, volunteer work with my church and charities I support became what one pastor calls ” a false refuge”. When I was avoiding issues that needed to be worked through, I channeled all my enery into these activities as an escape. I really beleived the ego-driven thoughts that by serving selflessly in this way, giving freely of my time and energy and being a good Christian, I could somehow escape responsibilty for the problems in my marriage, my financial issues and money blocks and the resentment I have felt for 3 years about having been a saty-at-home mom and sacrificed my network marketing business, my writing and my goal of becoming a spiritual coach for the sake of family life that fell apart anyway. Please expan on how letting yourself off the hook enables you to create balance- I understand it intelelctually but don’t know where to begin practically. Thank you for sharing so much insight so generously.
Blessings
Tabita
November 27th, 2009 at 10:50 am
Hi Tabita! Thank you for sharing such wonderful insights and many blessings to you this season. Hooks (especially when we really get hooked) take our energy and attention out of alignment - it is the core source of imbalance. By observing hooks and not getting hooked we learn to remain in alignment where all our power, wisdom, intuition, creativity, energy and life is. If you want to do work with me on hooks, I can offer you a private session or if you’re in San Diego we’re starting a course in January where we move beyond hooks and ego entrapments. Much love, Cindy
November 30th, 2009 at 2:21 am
Hi Cindy
I’m in South Africa- is it possible to do private sessions online and pay through paypal?
A minor concern I have regarding clearing sessions is that I have been through so many processes already: Byron Katie, Brandon Bayes’s The Journey and Lisa Whateley’s Energetic Abundance series. They all produced temporary results but I find myself constantly “vacillating”. I’ll experience abundance, freedom to work when and how I please, inner peace and an intimate relationship with God for a while and then suddenly find myself back in “the desert” where I get stuck and hooked to old patterns again. I don’t understand this vacillation, especially since I committed to the path of Christianity and should have grown into a permanent sense of inner peace.
Another question on my mind: would it be aligned with your purpose to consider doing workshops in South Africa? I’m not sure how we would arrange this but my goal for 2010 is to bring a number of “friends in business” who have shown me the ropes in terms of conscious entrepreneruship and joint ventures to South Africa for “showcase events”. This is still very much at the intention level but by sharing it I am trusting that those whom such an initiative would serve will help me find ways to make it happen. The main objective would be to explore the transition from manual business processes still used in South Africa to web 2.0 and business 3.0 applications that can help conscious entrepreneurs go to the next level. Look forward to hearing any thoughts you might have.
Blessings
Tabita
February 5th, 2010 at 8:31 pm
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April 29th, 2010 at 12:26 am
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