“Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one’s courage. ~Anais Nin~

The runaway train of life finally slowed down long enough for me to jump off and process what’s happened since I began writing my book last fall. Ignoring my ego’s badgering to catch up on the details of my life, I took this week off and became “Mom” again seeing my son off to school as he began Kindergarten last Monday. Intellectually I was ready but emotionally I was a wreck crying every time I saw a cute baby or toddler boy. As usual my little guy resisted the change yet by the end of his first day he beamed with joy and confidence.

It made me realize that instinctively we all can feel change and often resist it. The same goes for life which is like a giant wave flowing with constantly changing energy moving faster than ever before. You can either jump in and “go with the flow” or you can resist life by clinging to the past. (Hint: It’s much more fulfilling to jump in!)

Fear is a major source of resistance designed by your ego to keep you confined what’s safe and known - your past. When you react to fear or let it direct your life, you begin to weave a web of false reality around you. The more you give into fear, the stickier the web becomes holding you back from what you truly want. And, when you give into fear over and over you become stuck and unable to move forward or recognize the difference between fear and reality.

Fear can be relentless. It can fill your mind with limiting beliefs that become like broken records and cloud your thinking. The web of fear can extend past your mind sending messages to your brain and on to your body manifesting in a physical web of physical tension, pain and illness. Fear can eat away at your nervous system eventually taking away your ability to relax and feel safe.

Fear is tricky. How does it know to turn up the volume when you’re taking a risk? One of the biggest risks you can take is to pursue your dreams or greatest desire. Fear can sense that you’re not only reaching beyond the known but that you’re pursuing what you really want leaving you twice as vulnerable. Your ego sends fear to your rescue fighting against your efforts in an attempt to bring you back to what’s safe and familiar. This dynamic is what keeps so many people stuck in their lives to the point they may even forget about or give up on their dreams.

The bottom line is that fear is a toxin polluting your mind, body and spirit, stifling your expression and damaging your physical well-being. These last few weeks, I’ve stepped out of what’s safe and known to me by speaking publicly about my book and putting it out for review. Just when I thought I moved past my fear (by writing the book) I was yanked back into my web after reading what the critics had to say. Even though nearly everyone that reads Chameleon Butterfly Dragonfly loves it, I allowed the criticism to get me down. What I experienced mentally and physically from giving into fear was shocking to me (and I do this for a living people!). I felt like I was hit in the stomach and knocked over the head. Because I know how to recover from fear, I was able to pull myself out of it and gain insight into just how damaging fear can be.

So here you are with the great wave of life flowing and inviting you to jump in and Live Beyond Fear. Here’s Three Important Things to Know Before Jumping:

1. Don’t Resist Fear. You’ve probably heard the saying, “What you resist persists”? This is definitely the case with fear. Fear is an instinctive reaction to growth and change and in the right circumstances signals our brain to protect us from “real” harm. If you resist or push fear away, it will push back with a vengeance.
2. Don’t React to Fear. Reacting to fear in any way will feed it and build an even stickier web. If you ignore or bury fear it will resurface at some point and most likely when it’s most inconvenient.
3. Don’t Judge Fear. Fear is committed to protecting you so if you judge it as wrong it will feel more threatened and pull out all the stops to hold you back and keep you safe.

Now You’re Ready to Cultivate Living Beyond Fear. Follow these five steps:

1. Observe Fear.
2. Feel Fear.
3. Detach with Love.
4. Movement and Expression.
5. Committed Action.

1. Observe Fear. First recognize that fear is NOT real no matter how real it seems. Reach within or ask for the assistance of someone you trust to help you see where you stop and fear begins. Observe fear by detecting its voice (Fear can disguise itself as your voice or the voice of an authority figure). Begin to hear fear as the broken record it is and recognize that it really is trying to keep you safe. As you begin to see fear and experience it separate from you, space will open up and allow you to breathe easier and see things more clearly.
2. Feel Fear. Fear is usually associated with some form of past physical or emotional pain. Instead of feeling and processing the pain, fear protects us from “going there”. Feeling your fear is actually progress! The more you say yes to fear and welcome it, the grip of the web lessens. You’ve heard the saying, “There’s nothing to fear but fear itself.” If you peel back the complicated web of fear to just fear, it not only lessens fear’s grip but also the drama in your life. Here’s an example of peeling back fear by following a chain of fear-based thoughts, “What if I lose my job?” “What if I lose my money?” “What if I lose everything?” Allow your mind to following the chain of thoughts until there’s nothing left but fear itself. Acknowledge fear by saying, “I’m just afraid” and feel the fear, emotions and where it exists in your body. Then breathe deeply and let the fear go as you breathe out. See if you can continue to feel and let go of fear without snapping back to the web of complicated thoughts and drama.
3. Detach with Love. As you begin to see fear separate from you and feel it for what it is, a space will open up. It is crucial that you fill this space with love first before moving on. The only way to truly Live Beyond Fear is to detach from fear with love. It means recognizing you are not your fears and also loving that part of yourself from which the fear originated in the first place. It could be childhood, a recent let down, a self saboteur or victim habit, low self esteem or insecurity - it’s not as important to know the source of your past hurt as it is to embrace “all of you - past, present and future” with love, compassion and kindness. Nothing dissolves the tangled and sticky web of fear more than love.
4. Movement and Expression. With a new foundation of love you can begin to Live Beyond Fear with movement and expression. As you move your body and express yourself, you’ll break away any remnants of a physical web that may have attached itself to your body. Stretching, yoga, dance, free movement, exercise and deep conscious breathing will continue to lessen the grip of the web and make new space to Live Beyond Fear. Allow your movement to come from love and expression (not an attempt to rid yourself of fear). As you breathe feel your breath move through out your body allowing it to cleanse, clear and open the areas that feel closed, painful, tight, or stuck.  Express yourself and get out of the house or office, mingle, network, share ideas, do something creative, take a risk - get your energy moving!
5. Expansion and Commitment. As you move and express yourself, you’ll actually feel yourself expanding and your energy growing. You’ll begin to attract new people and new experiences. Further direct this new surge of energy by choosing a purpose or commitment. Ask yourself, “What do I want my life to be about when I get out of bed in the morning?” “What’s the one thing I really want to achieve?” “Is there a purpose or project I’m passionate about?” By expanding yourself and choosing what you’re committed to, you’ll have something bigger than fear awaiting you every day. Whatever you do stay committed and continue to take action trusting that you’re now weaving a new web of expression, joy and fulfillment to weave.

If you have any questions or need support in Living Beyond Fear, feel free to contact me to explore how one on one coaching may support you (cindy@bringUtolife.com or 858 692-8538). Or sign up as a member and receive a FREE e-book and the Your Guide to Thrive monthly e-guide.

This entry was posted on Sunday, August 31st, 2008 at 2:09 pm and is filed under Inspiration. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.